BAD MUM: Why Self-Care for Parents is so important

I have been a bad mum today, at least in the opinion of my children.

Does it sound familiar to you, if I say, that our children can sometimes be very egocentric?
Alternatively, am I wrong, because this word is not usually appropriate for children instead of for adults only?

ANGER

I might not be alone with my anger sometimes, when you think also, that you are continuously worried about them, and they still do not appreciate it. Well, most of the time.

You might have put your own needs beside to please your family?

You schedule the whole week for them, receive never-ending school messages, organize your household, prepare homemade food etc.

EVERY SINGLE DAY!

Your partner and children would wonder sometimes, why all the stress? Ask you to take it easy and relax more.

FRUSTATION

Today I tried my best to entertain them with a lovely prepared breakfast, lunch and cinema visit afterwards. Later on, while I wanted to do them another favour, a fight between both of them and a few other little things made me decide to eat the pancakes alone and let them calm down by their own… I enjoyed having dinner by myself. When my husband came home, they could not wait to ask him for help in preparing pancakes with the rest of the batter. At that time, I was happy to have time for myself and enjoyed a nice run outside.

MINDFULNESS

If things get out of control and we experience a lot of anger and frustration despite trying hard to stay calm, it is worth being mindful about our own needs.
Asking yourself what would I like to do instead?

Self-Care

Plays a significant role in the wellbeing of the whole family. Many times I have been trying hard to convince parents, who were struggling with the education of their children to focus also on their wellbeing (https://www.scanva.org/support-for-parents/parent-resource-center-2/self-care-for-parents/).
The more we take care of ourselves, the more we can be mindful and stay calm in situations, which are demanding. A recent study finds that children of parents who report higher amounts of mindfulness tend to have lower rates of stress (https://www.mindful.org/mindful-parents-less-stressed-out-kids/).

CHANGES

It is easier to change our behaviour rather than trying to modify the behaviour of our family members by giving them instructions for example. Very often the whole system is going to change if we try different things out. Suddenly our partner gets more active if we don`t take responsibility for everything in the family. Youngsters take more responsibility, if we are not available most of the time and help them to fix their problems.

EASY?

Not really!

“Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult-once we truly understand and accept it-then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.” (M. Scott Peck)

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Published on 2018/11/29

Posted in: Children and Adolescents, Frustration, Self-Care,